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She’s not getting off from this! Kentucky woman stabs cousin over sex toy she borrowed

You can choose your friends but you can’t choose you your relatives, or so the old saying goes.

Well one pair of cousins in Lexington Kentucky probably understand this more than most, after a fight over a sex toy.

It started when Crystal Denham borrowed the sex toy from her cousin and neighbor Michael Barton. Lets be frank, this already raises some questions straight off the bat, but no matter, we will plough on.

Presumably in preparation for a hot and heavy Saturday night, Michale showed up at Crystal’s and wanted his toy back. She told him to get off her property (this thing really must be earthshakingly good) and he grabbed her elbow. At this point “she used the kitchen knife she was holding in her hand to stab him.”

Crystal then called 911 and informed them that she had stabbed her cousin. By the time officers showed up she was sweeping the porch.

Thankfully Michael’s injuries were considered “minor” and he refused medical attention. He told the attending officer that Crystal was “acting crazy,” (No shit you borrowed a sex toy from your cousin and stabbed him when he asked for it back) and then just to back up Michaels account she decided that the officer was worth fighting too and it all ended up getting a little more 50 shades Of Grey

LEX18 reports “When the officer told Denham she was under arrest, the citation says Denham started to yell and said she wasn’t going to jail. The officer pulled out a taser and according to the citation, she “formed a fist with each of her hands, bladed her body in a fighting stance, swelled her chest out, and began approaching” the officer. The officer stepped to the side and pushed Denham to where she became compliant and placed under arrest.”

At the time of publishing The USA Wire has no word on the status of the sex toy, or how Michael’s Saturday night went.

All we do know is that Crystal has been charged with second-degree assault, second-degree disorderly conduct, menacing, and resisting arrest.

Oh and Thanksgiving is going to be really awkward, probably more so than it already would have been from loaning your cousin your sex toy.

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